You texted your crush, invited her to a party, and she responded with “okay”. You were excited and she seemed interested but then… nothing. No phone call, no text, no social media updates, nothing. You might have even reached out on Instagram, and she didn’t respond. What does that mean? Did she not see your message? Did she not know how to respond in an Instagram DM? Or did she not care? Was it a ghosting? Maybe you already knew the answers to all those questions and it was, indeed, a ghosting. And it hurts.
We’ve all been there. It’s not fun and it’s not cool. But why? Why do girls ghost guys? Let’s talk about it. What is Ghosting?
Ghosting is the act of abruptly disappearing or ignoring someone that you’ve been in contact with. It happens in all sorts of relationships, but most commonly in romantic ones. Ghosting can happen face to face in places like a coffee shop, at the mall, or on the street. But it can also happen online like on a dating app or social media (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, etc.).
Ghosting is heartbreaking! Deeply. Unfollowing you on Instagram, blocking you on Snapchat, or unfriending you on Facebook are all very hurtful. It makes you feel like… well, a ghost. That’s why it’s called Ghosting. But just because she’s not on your social media space does not mean that she is gone. She may still be using it but she is not communicating with you.
You might be wondering, “Why is this happening?!” In this post, we’re going to talk about some of the most frequent reasons why girls go ghosting (aka MIA). You will probably recognize some of these, while others might be totally new to you.
Let’s get started!
27 Reasons Why She Ghosted You
1. You don’t live up to the “ideal guy” she’d hoped for
Let’s face it : girls are picky. If you don’t have all of the perfect qualities that she’s already looking for, then it might be too much work for her to keep up with you and you might not even get a second look at all. No matter how nice you are, or what an amazing personality you have, if she has her mind already made up that you’re not the one, then there’s no convincing her otherwise. So, why bother?
2. You’re not physically what she’s looking for
Yes, this sounds shallow, but there’s no denying that girls do judge guys based on their physical appearance. Your height, your build, your hair, your skin color, and the shape of your face… these are all things that matter to girls. A girl will make her final decision on whether or not she’s interested in you, based on how well you physically fit into her idealized version of what a guy should be. If you don’t fit the image in her head, then it’s just not going to work out. Sorry.
3. You’re not as nice as what she thought you were
Unfortunately, you might not be as nice as she perceived you to be. Some girls will have unrealistically high expectations for guys. It’s something that psychologists call the “halo effect”. She sees you as great, fun, kind, cute… and she wants to date you. But deep down inside she knows that she might not really know that much about you yet, and something might come up later on that will make her change her mind. She’s probably realizes that her first impression will only leave a small part of your true personality, and she’s afraid that if she starts getting to know you, that you might not actually meet the expectations she’s already set for you. So, in order to avoid getting hurt, she ghosts and runs.
4. You’re not the same person in person as you are on your profile
Some people are just too good at hiding the real them by writing a great profile description! You might be an amazing writer and have an interesting profile, but your personality might not be as interesting to her as it is in real life. She might have thought the texts, your profile, or your Instagram photos were really cool, but when she meets you in person, she finds out that you’re a totally different person. Her first impression of you was completely false, and now that she knows the real you… well, it’s just not what she was expecting.
5. She isn’t interested in people who live far away
Girls also judge guys based on how far away they live. If she’s looking for something that could be a serious relationship, and you’re not willing to move closer, then it might not work out between the two of you. Even if she likes you, the thought of moving somewhere new might be daunting for her. She might enjoy her life where she is right now, and just doesn’t want to tied down with someone who lives too far away. Unfortunately, it’s not your fault – it’s just her decision to make!
6. She’s just too busy
This is the most common reason why girls will ghost. Sometimes, you might not be in the first place on her priority list. She might have tons of other things going on in her life that are more important than hanging out with you. Maybe she’s getting ready to move in with a new roommate, or is cramming for a huge exam, or has been working 60 hour weeks at her job… whatever the reason, you might not be at the top of her list. Doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like you – it just means she has bigger things to worry about at the moment.
7. She doesn’t feel the same way about you after your first date
She might have thought that you were really fun and cute when you guys were hanging out, but the more time she spends with you, the less she likes you. And even though she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, feeling constant pressure might start to get on her nerves. She might think “maybe he’s not that cute,” or “maybe he’s not as fun as I thought he was.” She might even start to ask herself, “is this guy right for me?” and leads to feeling like she doesn’t want to be around you anymore.
8. She’s not ready for a relationship
Some girls might want to start dating, but are just not ready for all of the things that come with it. They don’t know if their heart is available right now, and they want to try things out with you, but not go too far. Sometimes they just need to be sure that they can trust you with their heart before they feel comfortable enough to go further. But if they don’t want to take that next step, they might not know how to tell you. So instead, they’ll just ghost without saying a word.
9. She met someone new who’s better for her
This one is a bit of a twisted way to think about it, but it can happen. Sometimes girls have a crush on you, but they meet someone new who’s better looking and funnier than you are. Even though she likes you, after that new guy came into her life, she sees you more as a friend than a boyfriend. But she still has a lot of feelings for you, and she ’s trying to keep her options open in case she changes her mind. She ghosted you because she wanted to make more room in her heart for this new guy, instead of splitting her attention between the two of you. It’s also a bit of a way to protect herself. She wants to see if this new person can live up to her expectations, before she tells you that she’s not into you anymore.
10. She doesn’t feel a spark anymore
When you two started hanging out, there was always a lot of attraction and chemistry between you. But now things have changed. Maybe you started getting into fights a lot more often, or she started noticing negativities in your personality. Whatever it is, she started questioning if what you guys have together is really worth it anymore. And she might be having second thoughts about whether or not you two are a good match. So she’s likely to ignore you or get distant in order to give herself time to figure it out.
11. You didn’t give her enough attention
Some guys spend too much time talking about themselves and not enough time paying attention to what their girlfriend is saying. A healthy relationship is not one-sided. In fact, it takes a while for both people to feel comfortable enough with each other to share anything at all. If you spend all your time talking about yourself without taking the time to listen and respond to her, she will not feel respected. And she will feel like you only care about yourself. Even worse, she might even think that you’re self-centered. Either way, she won’t be interested in your attention anymore and will want to ghost.
12. You’re too young for her
It’s sad to say, but sometimes girls want to date guys who are older than them. They feel more secure and protected if they’re with someone who has more life experience. And if you’re really young, then she might not think that you can provide her with that. So she might be attracted to you, but not feel comfortable dating someone so young. In order to avoid the awkwardness of telling you that you’re not right for her, she might just ghost you instead.
13. You don’t have a job
If you don’t have a stable job, and/or a healthy savings account, then this can be a big roadblock for you. Most girls want to date guys who are financially secure and have their own place to live. And if you don’t have those things, then it might be hard for her to go any further with you. She might feel like she’s risking her future by dating someone who doesn’t have a steady paycheck and long-term future goals. So she might decide to ghost you to make things easier for herself.
14. She needs time to think it over
Sometimes a girl will just need to be alone to think things through. Maybe you guys had an argument and she’s feeling bad about the whole situation. Or perhaps she has some conflicting feelings about you and she needs to sort through what those are. Either way, she needs time to think about what she really wants in her life. And the only way to do that is to get away from your distractions and take some alone time. So she might just be able to think clearly when she’s away from your influence, and make a decision on what she wants to do next. And she’s not going to respond to you during this time.
15. You don’t have any goals for the future
She might be looking for a real relationship – not just a fling. She wants someone who has a vision for the future and knows what they want to do with their life. If you don’t have your life set up for success, then she might feel like you’re not right for her. She wants to grow with someone who is going somewhere in life. And she doesn’t want to be stuck in a relationship where the both of you are just going nowhere. So, if you don’t have goals for your life, she might ghost you, simply because she doesn’t see the potential in it.
16. You talk about other girls all the time
Talking about other girls all the time can be a huge turn off for most girls. Girls want to be the center of your attention. They want to be the only thing on your mind. If you talk about other girls all the time, then it makes them feel like you’re not really into them. And it makes them feel like they’re not as important as those other girls. So if you can’t keep your eyes off of other girls, then it’s possible that she’ll want to ghost you. She knows that you’re not really into her, so why should she even bother?
17. You made her feel like she wasn’t good enough for you
A lot of times, when girls ghost you, it’s because you didn’t make them feel good enough. You might have said something to them that made them feel unimportant, or insecure, or like you think they’re too stupid to understand you. But the truth is, it’s not that they’re too dumb to understand you – it’s that you don’t know how to talk to girls in order to make them feel respected. So they’ll just start to feel like you don’t see them as being your equal. And because of that, they don’t feel comfortable being around you or sharing their feelings with you. Eventually, they’ll just ghost you so they don’t have to continue feeling like that.
18. You were too aggressive when asking her out
Guys, a lot of times you’re too direct when you ask a girl out. You come across as being all about yourself, and not taking into consideration that she might have had her own feelings and thoughts about you. You might think that she should be happy that you’re into her – but in fact, most girls have a hard time rejecting someone when they’re too direct. And even if she does like you, she might feel like she’s being pressured into a decision. So, if you’re too direct with your approach, she might just ghost you because she doesn’t like you being so pushy.
19. She doesn’t feel like she can trust you
Trust is important between two people. If she doesn’t trust you, then she’s not going to make room for you in her life. You might think that you’re not doing anything wrong – but the truth is, you probably are doing something to make her question your trustworthiness. Maybe you’re lying to her – like you said you had a good job, but you don’t. Or maybe you’re not telling her the truth about some other part of your life. Whatever it is, it’s making it hard for her to put her trust in you. So even if she likes you, she ’ll end up ghosting you, because she doesn’t want to be with someone who isn’t trustworthy.
20. You were too quiet on the first date
The first date is so important, because it will set the tone for how the rest of your relationship is going to go. And if you start off too quiet, it can make her feel like you’re not really interested in getting to know her. Plus, if you don’t have much to say on the first date, then she won’t feel as comfortable opening up to you. She might feel like she has to guess what you’re thinking about her. And this leads to some awkwardness in the relationship, which might cause her to ghost you.
21. You didn’t make her laugh
We all like to be around people who lighten up our moods. Being around people who are funny and have a positive attitude is a good way to make yourself feel happier. And in a relationship, this is especially important. If you guys are in a relationship, then she wants to feel happy when she’s around you. That could be from laughing, or having fun, or just from feeling comfortable to be yourself around each other. If you two are always fighting and things are negative, then she isn’t going to stick around with you for long. She knows it’s not healthy for her to be around a person who is constantly making her feel bad, so she might just ghost you, to get away from it all.
22. You’ve been talking about your ex all night
Can you really blame her for ghosting you if you’re talking about your ex the whole time? Being overly focused on your past relationship might make it seem like you’re more interested in a past relationship than a present one. And this will push her away. So if she’s listening to you go on and on about your ex, it might be time for her to ghost you. She doesn’t want to be with someone who can’t get over their past and is still hung up on it. And she wants to be with someone who is with her now, in this moment.
23. You’re not her only option
She might be interested in you, but not enough to choose you over other people. Maybe she sees other guys pursuing her. Or she might feel like you’re not really a good match for her. So, she wants to have other options in case things don’t work out with you. She’s not going to commit to you and ruin the chance of something better coming along. She might be ghosting you now, but it’s possible that she’ll come back to you later in the relationship, if she feels like she’s not going to find anyone better.
24. She is still in love with her Ex
Let’s face it, there are a lot of ways to move on. And a lot of times, people get over their exes without realizing they’re still in love with them. This is especially true if they’ve started dating someone else but that someone else doesn’t make them happy. So, even if she is dating you, she might still be thinking about how great things were with her ex. Soon enough, she’ll start to feel guilty for her feelings and will try to distance herself away from you. She might do this by ghosting you because she knows that you deserve someone who is fully committed and loves you.
25. She doesn’t like your friends or family
A lot of relationships end at the hand of a third person. It’s true – when your friends and family don’t like her, it might make it hard for her to be around you. Maybe they don’t agree with her lifestyle, or they don’t like the way she does things. Whatever it is, they might create some serious tension between the two of you. This can make it really hard for the two of you to be together. And the tough part is – you may not even know why they’re being so mean to her. Even if she tells you that it’s not your fault, it might still hurt your feelings. So she might just ghost you because she wants to get away from all of that negativity.
26. She has another boyfriend
This is the easiest reason of all. She may have already been in a relationship with someone else when you started dating her. And she might still be in love with him. So even if she does like you and has been slowly falling for you, she might not be able to make the decision to leave him. Leaving him is a huge step and it’s something that she needs to figure out with him first. So she might just ghost you – not because she doesn’t like you, but because she still needs to work things out with her another boyfriend first. She’s not ready to leave him yet, so she’ll just “ghost you” to get off of your radar.
27. You have your own problems to deal with
This might be the hardest thing to face as a guy. But the truth is, it’s not just about her – it’s also about you. You might be dealing with a lot of other things in your life right now. You have personal issues, or you’re having a tough time at work, or you’re dealing with constant financial hardship. Whatever it is, she might be hesitant to put herself in a position where she has to deal with all of that too. So, she’ll just decide to “ghost you” in hopes that you’ll come back to her when things calm down.
After going through this list, it’s likely that you can start to see patterns with what makes a girl ’ll ghost you. Some of the reasons are very logical, like if she’s not interested in you. Some of the reasons are more personal – like if you’re being too aggressive or inconsiderate. And some of the reasons are more situational – like if she’s in a relationship with someone else, or if you have a lot of other things going on in your life.
But the good news is that if you can figure out why she’s ghosting you, then you’ll be able to address that issue and fix it. You can make it clear to her that you like her better than the other girls, or you can show her that you’re a trustworthy guy. You can create situations where you two can have fun together and really connect with each other. And you can change your behavior to make her feel comfortable around you.
So, if you recognize any of these reasons, then it’s time to start working on them. And hopefully, you can make the relationship work out in the end.
- Why Is She Talking to Me If She Has a Boyfriend?
- How Do You Know If You Have Been Ghosted?
- What to Text After Being Ghosted?