It’s Friday night. You’re excited about your first date all week – you purchased your outfit, meticulously prepped for the conversation topics, and planned out multiple witty texts to send throughout the evening. Just as you’re sitting at home, waiting eagerly by the phone for a text message from him – it’s time to go on your first date.
An hour goes by, and nothing. Two hours. Three. Four. You’re beginning to get worried, and you start wondering if he got into an accident or fell ill. You send a text. Nothing. Then, you send another one. Still nothing. You’ve now checked your phone every minute for the past two hours, and you’re getting worried that something may be wrong with your cell phone’s functionality. The night just keeps going, and your date never comes.
Yes, it’s happened to all of us. You’ve been ghosted. Ghosting: What Is It?
Ghosting is a term for a person who suddenly goes silent – no more phone calls, no more text messages, nothing. They simply disappear out of your life without any warning. Ghosting is a sudden and unexplained disappearance in a relationship. It can happen at any point of the relationship, from the first date to long-term relationships.
Call it “ghosting.” Call it “disappearing.” Whatever you want to call it, being ghosted sucks. So, what’s next?
The short answer: Text the person.
I know, I know. Up until this point, you’ve read a bunch of articles on ghosting etiquette that say you should never contact the person you were on a date with after they ghosted you. But, that’s just not the case. Just because the person ghosted you, doesn’t mean they don’t still want to hear from you. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. “But, what should I say?” And it’s a good question. In fact, here are some rules to follow when you’re texting a ghoster:
21 Rules You Should Follow When Texting After Being Ghosted
1. Keep it short and sweet
Don’t get into a long story about what a jerk they were because you’re hurting. That’s not going to make them feel bad about ghosting you, and it won’t get them to regret their choice. Remember: short and sweet.
2. Don’t be rude
Being ghosted is never fun. However, don’t be a mean person and insult them – just because they didn’t like you (for whatever reason), doesn’t mean they’re necessarily a bad person.
3. Don’t insult them
If you’re going to text them, don’t say something mean about them. Yes, I know that you may be really mad and hurt right now – but insulting the person who ghosted you is immature, and will definitely make things worse.
4. Don’t be crazy
Just because you’ve been ghosted doesn’t mean you have to go psycho on the person who ghosted you. Keep it short and polite.
5. Don’t be desperate
If you’re one of those people who just can’t stop reaching out to the person whom has ghosted you – stop. This will only make you appear desperate, and that’s not sexy.
6. Don’t beg for an explanation
You’ve been ghosted – it’s not fair, and you deserve an explanation – but don’t beg for one. If the person is willing to explain, they’ll let you know.
7. Don’t be a stalker
Again, just because you’ve been ghosted – it doesn’t give you the right to harass your date. Don’t go running around all over town trying to find the person’s address, or their job, or anything like that. You know the saying “if you love something, set it free – if it returns, it’s yours; if it doesn’t return, it never was”? Well, that applies here.
8. Don’t threaten them
Don’t speak to them in a threatening tone – ever. If you ever have any sort of disagreement with the person, let it be- you don’t need to be hostile about it. No matter how angry you are, no matter how much you want to contact them again – don’t. Don’t threaten to tell their friends/family/co-workers about the ghosting. Don’t say you’re going to send a mean Facebook status about them, or that you’ll tell all your friends not to date them. That’s not cool, and it’s still a little stalker-ish.
9. Don’t send them a ton of texts
I know it’s hard not to contact them – but do your best. If you’re one of those people who just can’t help but keep texting them – stop. There’s nothing wrong with sending one text to ask if they’re okay, or to find out what went wrong on the date. But, don’t send them a bunch of texts asking what happened – it’ll only antagonize the situation.
10. Keep it friendly
If you do text the person, make sure it’s a friendly text. Don’t call them a bad person, or tell them to die. Be friendly and cordial, and let them know that you hope they’re alright. But, don’t go into a long story about how hurt you are – it won’t accomplish anything.
11. Say what they want to hear
If you’re going to send the person a text, and want to have the best chance of them replying back, say what they want to hear. An example would be if the person is a vegan, you should tell them that you’re a vegan too. Another example would be if they really liked the movie they watched – let the person know that you loved it as well. You’ll have a better chance of getting them to respond to you if they believe that you’re on the same page as them.
Okay – these are 11 rules you should follow when texting someone whom you’ve been ghosted. Yes, it’s a little annoying that you’ve been ghosted – but, it’s better to follow these rules than to be a creepy stalker. Remember: don’t harass the person, don’t threaten them, and keep the tone of your messages friendly.
The following list of texts are some examples of text messages you could send a person in order to get them to respond – these are just examples, though, so you should tweak them to fit your own personality. The point here is, you need to write the text that will make the person want to respond.
9 Examples of Texts to Send the Person Who Ghosted You
1. “Hey. Hope you’re doing well.”
This is a good message to start off with – it’s neutral, and it asks the person how they’re doing without being too intense about it.
2. “Miss you. Are you okay?”
This message is a bit more intense – but, it’s not technically a request for them to get back in touch with you. It includes both “miss” and “are”, which gives the person the perception that you’re worried about them.
3. “Haha – you disappeared on me last night. You okay?”
This message is a little more flirty – and may even help you get a response from the person, depending on their personality. If you’re feeling bold, you can change it to “You disappeared on me last night! Come back!”
4. “Hey, what happened last night? Did I creep you out or something?”
This is similar to the message above – it’s flirty, but still cuter. It uses “creeped you out”, which is a way of making it sound like an accident, rather than something intentional.
5. “Hey, I forgot to say – there ‘s a party at my place next weekend. You’re coming, right?”
This one is less flirty, but still ends with a question. It’s a good option because it shows that you’re okay with the person not texting back, and shows them you want to see them again.
6. “Hey, I just wanted to send you this picture of my dog (or cat). He’s so cute!”
This one is a bit more informal than the others, but it’s friendly and lets you show a little bit of your personality. It can also be a nice break from the “flirty” text messages.
7. “I’m planning to be at the [bar/party/event] on [date]. Want to go together?”
This one might sound a bit aggressive, but that’s because you’re telling the person to make a choice! It’s not a bad option, though. It does require the person to make a decision, and gives them a deadline. It also leaves the invitation open-ended, so he or she can choose to respond with something like “sure”, “maybe”, or “no thanks.”
8. “Hey, I have tickets for the [show/concert/game] tomorrow night. Wanna come with me?”
This one is very similar to #7, and is pretty much the same idea. It’s another good way to give the person a deadline, and still leave the option open for them to decline.
9. “Hey, I’m at [bar/club] with my friends – wanna join us? We can have fun together if you want.”
Similar to the message above, it’s a friendly message that lets the ghosted person know that you’re okay with them not responding, and gives them a chance to catch up with you.
Okay! Now you have some ideas for what you can say when you want to text the person who ghosted you. Make sure to apply these rules to your own individual situation, and figure out what you should say. There’s no right or wrong answer here – it’s all about how you want to make it work for you.
Here’s a quick list of some questions you can ask yourself in order to get a better idea of what to say:
21 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Before Texting the Ghoster
1. Are you looking to get back together with the person?
2. Are you okay with the fact that they might never respond back?
3. Are you ready to move on from this person?
4. Are you worried that the person will tell other people that you’ve been ghosted?
5. Are you worried that your friends/family will find out that you’ve been ghosted?
6. Do you feel angry?
7. Do you feel confident enough in yourself to handle a rejection?
8. Do you feel like it’s worth waiting for their response?
9. Do you like the person?
10. Do you want them to apologize for ghosting you?
11. Do you want them to explain themselves?
12. Do you want them to know that you’re hurt by their decision?
13. Do you want to forgive them?
14. Do you want to get their attention?
15. Do you want to know if they’re okay?
16. Do you want to make them feel bad for ghosting you?
17. Do you want to make them jealous?
18. How do you expect them to respond? (i.e., do you want them to apologize, explain themselves again, a simple “hey”, etc.?)
19. How do you feel about the person? (i.e., do you like them, dislike them, or don’t have feelings for them at all – or are you simply curious as to how they’ll respond?)
20. How will you feel if they never respond? (i.e., will you feel hurt, angry, sad, or indifferent?)
21. What will you do if they never respond back? (i.e., you’ll just move on with your life, that’s okay, whatever.)
That’s a lot of questions – but, these are all questions you should think about. Once you have your answers to each question, you’ll have a better idea of what to say. Be sure to keep these questions in mind when you’re preparing your text message, and work on your own responses.
So, there you have it – a complete guide to texts you can send the person who ghosted you. The first part has some basic rules and advice on how to keep your texts friendly and polite. The second part is where you’ll have a better understanding of what to say – they’re a little more complicated, but they’re technically just guidelines for you to follow.
You can make it your own! Follow the rules and advice here, but make it your own too. Tweak the messages to fit who you are and what’s going on in your life – that’s what makes texting work. The best texts are the ones that will get a response from the person you’ve been ghosted. If you follow the guidelines above, and still can’t get a response – that’s okay. Don’t feel bad, don’t feel like a failure. You did your best, and that’s the most important thing.
Overall, though, be sure to do your best to keep the tone of your messages friendly. If you’re asking someone to get back in touch with you (which, by nature, is a request for them to do something) – it should be done in a friendly manner. Don’t sound pushy, annoyed, or frustrated. How the person responds to your communication will really depend on how you treat them.
- How Do You Know If You Have Been Ghosted?
- What to Do When a Guy Ghosts You?
- How to Get Over a Cheating Ex?